Sunday, October 17, 2010

A Chilidish Bribe

This is the most childish and desperate deal that I've ever proposed to God.
But I think it's ruining my life.
Ruining my dreams and my plans.
Like a harmless candy which turned out to be a drug.
An addiction that I cannot abandon.
Because I never tried.
I'm not pointing fingers at anyone.
If there is someone to blame. That would be me.
윤호.
창민.
재중.
준수.
And to my beloved 유천.
I guess we should call it over...
My obsession with you has gone too far that my normal life
cannot progress without a glimpse of you.
I have forgotten the most important person who has been there for me
from the start. I kept running, hoping to be on the same pace with you.
It was pathetic. Really.
Going gaga over someone you haven't really met.
I got carried away with the humor, the brilliance and the idealistic love that you're offering.
Deaf and blind of the concerned warnings from the people around me.
I've ran so far and so fast that I can't even keep up with myself.
And now, my recklessness is punishing me slowly.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
I have to stop.
If I'll pass all my subjects and succeed in graduating, I had to stop.
This has to be over.
God, you know that this would be hard for me.
I might even cry while watching those precious files deleted from my laptop.
This is the only way that I know.
Let's have a deal again.
Please Lord. Just have mercy on me.
PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.PLEASE.PLEASE. PLEASE.PLEASE.
To DBSK: I'll always be a fan of your songs. Your songs will still be stored in my laptop.
MP3. But not the videos. I have to delete them all and bury all the stupid delusions that I have for you.
It's time for me to live my life.
My real life. And stop building castles in the air.
I am no princess.
I have to work for what I want and not rely on pity.
I have to move on. And if you would come back as 5 again.
I'll be happy.
안녱 오빠들.
<3

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